I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
