I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
