Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
