her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just high enough for therapy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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