"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize