She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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