In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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