The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
