those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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