You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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