You're my little dorito
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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