Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
