On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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