the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
