can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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