my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
