There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
