i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You pole danced in your parka.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
