he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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