roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
