I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
