you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
