Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
