Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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