the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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