It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
