Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
