the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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