I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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