im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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