How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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