can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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