Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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