Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
