Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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