if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
