We're like a lot better than the average bears
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is Oprah even human
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
