Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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