Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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