I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
