happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
