you would pick up someone in the library
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
