i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
In other news, I just burned my penis
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
