I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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