Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
