You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
