I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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