Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
