He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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