There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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