a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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