I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
