you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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