we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
