He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
