I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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