I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
