remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
