Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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