last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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