Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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