how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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