I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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