OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
