I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The maid of honor just puked.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
