Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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