tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
