I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
