Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
