He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment