her vagine was all disorganized.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me