I faked an abortion last night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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