my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling