if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.