so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.