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• (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.

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  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone

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