Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
