Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
