we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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