She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
