its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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