so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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