MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
