I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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